Who Will Raise Your Children If You Can't? (What Most Parents Don't Know About the First 72 Hours)

I work with parents on this exact question all the time. And especially this time of year, sitting between Mother's Day and Father's Day, the love you have for your children tends to be front and center.

But there's a question I find most parents haven't truly answered yet, even the ones who think they have.

When I sit down with parents, most have thought about who would take care of their children if something happened to them. Maybe it came up during a long drive, over dinner with their spouse, or in a conversation with grandparents or godparents. They may have reached an agreement in their minds, but never put anything in writing.

Here's what I tell them: that agreement in your head doesn't exist in the eyes of the law.

If something happened to you tonight, the decision about who raises your children would no longer belong to you. It would belong to a court and a judge who has never met you, your children, or your family.

Here's what that actually means—and what you can do about it.

The Decision That Gets Handed to a Stranger When You Don't Make It

When I ask parents what they think would happen, most assume the right people would simply step up. A sibling. A grandparent. A godparent. A close friend.

The people who love your children would figure it out.

Unfortunately, that's not how the law works.

When there is no legally named guardian, a judge appoints one. That judge doesn't know your family's values, relationships, parenting style, or wishes. What they see are competing petitions from family members who each believe they're the best choice.

Family conflicts over custody—and often over money left behind for the children—can become painful legal disputes during an already devastating time.

Without a legally named guardian, the decision about who raises your children belongs to a court system, not to you.

The people you trust most may have no legal authority to step in, no matter how obvious the choice seems to everyone in your family.

The bottom line: If you don't make the decision, someone else will.

The First 72 Hours: The Gap Nobody Plans For

Most parents think about the long-term question: who would raise our children if we're gone?

Very few think about what happens immediately after an emergency.

Who has the legal authority to pick your children up from school?

Who can authorize emergency medical treatment?

Who can step in right away before any court proceedings begin?

This is one of the biggest gaps I see when reviewing existing plans.

Imagine both parents are unexpectedly hospitalized. The children are with a babysitter. Emergency responders arrive. There is no document available identifying who should care for the children.

The babysitter has no legal authority.

The neighbors have no legal authority.

Even grandparents living twenty minutes away may not have legal authority to take custody in that moment.

As a result, authorities follow protocol, and children may be placed in temporary care until proper legal arrangements can be made.

Even if your will names a guardian, that person still needs court approval before gaining legal authority. That process can take weeks or months.

This isn't a rare scenario. It's a predictable gap that many families unknowingly leave unaddressed.

A complete guardianship plan should address two separate questions:

• Who would raise your children long-term?

• Who can care for them immediately during the first hours or days after an emergency?

  
  

Without both answers, there is a gap.

And gaps are where already difficult situations become even harder.

The bottom line: The first 72 hours matter just as much as the years that follow.

Why So Many Parents Keep Putting This Off

When parents tell me they've been meaning to do this for years, I ask why.

The most common answer?

The decision feels overwhelming.

What if relationships change?

What if the person you choose isn't the best fit ten years from now?

What if someone in the family feels hurt because they weren't chosen?

Here's what I tell them:

Naming a guardian isn't a permanent decision.

It can be updated as your children grow, relationships evolve, and circumstances change.

What matters is documenting the best decision you can make today based on the people and relationships you have right now.

Leaving the decision unmade doesn't eliminate the difficulty. It simply removes you from the process and leaves the choice to someone who doesn't know your family.

What I tell my clients: Naming a guardian is a decision you can update. Not naming one is a decision you cannot take back.

The Questions That Matter More Than "Who Do I Trust?"

Trust is important, but it's only the beginning.

The better question is:

Who would raise my children most like I would?

When evaluating potential guardians, I encourage parents to consider:

Values and Parenting Style

Do they share your views on education, discipline, faith, and family life?

Would your children feel at home in their household?

Willingness

Have you actually asked them?

A guardian should understand the responsibility before being named.

Practical Reality

Where do they live?

Would your children need to move schools, leave friends, or relocate far from family?

Health and Age

An older relative may be the emotional first choice but may not be the most practical option over the course of a child's upbringing.

Sibling Relationships

If you have multiple children, can they remain together?

Backup Guardians

What happens if your first choice is unable to serve?

Naming backups creates additional protection.

If You're Naming a Couple

If that couple separates or divorces, what happens next?

It's better to answer those questions now than leave them for a court later.

One additional misconception I regularly see:

A godparent is not automatically a legal guardian.

Verbal agreements and family assumptions carry no legal authority.

Only properly executed legal documents can accomplish that.

The bottom line: The question isn't simply who you trust. It's who would provide the closest continuation of the life you've built for your children.

Why This Decision Shouldn't Be Made in Isolation

Naming a guardian is one of the most important decisions a parent can make.

It's also one of the most interconnected.

The person who raises your children may not be the same person who manages money on their behalf.

In fact, separating those roles is often the right decision.

The best caregiver isn't always the best financial manager.

Likewise, naming a guardian without creating a financial plan to support them can place an enormous burden on the very people you're trying to help.

Who raises your children, how they are financially supported, and what happens during the first 72 hours are all connected decisions.

That's why I guide families through these conversations as part of a comprehensive planning process—not simply by drafting documents, but by helping them think through how their plan would actually work in real life.

I also discuss something many parents never realize they can do:

You can formally document individuals you would never want raising your children.

Not just who you want—but who you don't.

Taking that additional step can provide another layer of protection and reduce the likelihood of future disputes.

What I tell my clients: Naming a guardian matters. Making sure your entire plan is properly documented and kept up to date is what truly protects your children.

What You Can Do Right Now

If you have children at home and haven't named a guardian—or if you've only named one in a will without addressing what happens immediately after an emergency—now is the time to take action.

Not because something is about to happen.

But because if something did happen, you would want that decision to be yours, not a judge's.

During a Legacy Planning Session, I help families address who would raise their children, who could care for them immediately during a crisis, and how they would be provided for financially.

Every family is different. That's why the process starts with understanding your unique circumstances, relationships, and priorities before creating a plan designed specifically for the people you love most.

Schedule a complimentary 15-minute discovery call, and let's make sure your children are protected—starting today.

📞 Book a free 15-minute discovery call to explore how a Legacy Planning Session protects your whole family.